mydarlingcurse.com

yesterday at around 6:45 PM i decided that i was going to turn off my computer for 24 hours. i couldn’t do it. it’s sad, but true. i’m going to try it again, starting now.

also, in the “i’ve never done that before” category, i downloaded a ring tone for my phone today. i think ring tones say a lot about a person, so i downloaded “Remedy” by The Black Crowes.

in the “duh” category - and this is verbatim:

psycho jen: why are the flags at half-mast today?
me: it’s septmeber 11.
psycho jen: oh yeah, duh!
me: duh!

i’ve seen examples, back in the day, of parents letting their children drink a little gin before bed time, or putting whiskey on a theething child’s gums. i’ve also read of people being strapped into their beds as children, not harshly, just to prevent them from getting up or sleepwalking.

after the 45 minutes of sleep i got last night, these all sound like pretty good ideas. at least hubbin was sharing in my misery. we’ve never been a couple of “it’s your turn”, since i am a stay-at-home mom, it’s always my turn. but last night he did his share and after the kids were up he let me crash for an hour. i woke up groggy in a huge pile of drool - sleep of the junkie i call it.

thankfully, both kids are happy today, not fussy and playing well with each other. i on the other hand am seriously considering putting them on the doorstep for the gypsy’s to take away. just for a little more shut-eye.

Dear MSNBC,

Fuck you! How dare you pull Waldorf and Statler, I mean Olbermann and Matthews, from anchoring Election Coverage! Do you know how much I was looking forward to seeing Olbermann on and off for hours at a time during the debates and possibly during state primaries? I was looking forward to it…a lot, and glowingly. And now you’ve gone and fucked it all up, thwarting my one-sided-media-induced love for Olbermann. Shame on you!

Replacing Olbermann and Matthews with David Gregory is a huge mistake. I don’t give a good goddamn that you are grooming him to replace Tim Russert. He’s a putz and a dink and we ALL know it. Shame on you for taking a dipshit hockey Mom’s finger-waving too literally.

Yeah, yeah, yeah…they are still commentators, but still. Clipping their wings because of pressure from the Old Man and the Sea-Monster only goes to show that the news can be bought and sold. I hope and pray that Mr. Matthews and Mr. Olbermann continue their honest insight, I wish them continued courage to question the unreasonable, and to speak their minds.

A dissenting daughter of the revolution,
Jodie

i am looking forward to establishing a routine this week. boo’s school schedule was somewhat truncated last week, but things are full-blown this week and i can’t wait to get things settled down. the buns has to get back on schedule too. he used to sleep through the night and now he wakes up sometime between 2-4 AM.

this kills me because i’m low functioning insomniac. once i get up during these hours, it’s well after 5:00 AM before i am asleep again. but you’re a stay-at-home, can’t you sleep during the day when your baby sleeps. the answer is yes, duh. but i don’t like to spend my time that way. when the buns is sleeping, i’d rather be doing stuff, packing up clothes or looking up Keith Olbermann on the internet. fun stuff.

i read last night that you have to love the moment you are in. even if it sucks, love it. don’t love it for being craptastic though, find something nice to love. so here it goes: this morning the buns spit up on me. on my pant leg. and i haven’t changed pants because the spit up smell is canceling out the cigarette smell that seems to be lodged in my nasal cavity. for this i am grateful. i’d rather smell cute baby boy spit up than smoky cigarettes.

we were in a really big house and some of my extended family was there…The Fabulous Mr. O (TFMO) was wearing light khaki pants, and white shirt and a light colored jacket (hummana hummana hummana). for whatever reason, Keith was running the show, we were all very concerned with when he was leaving, when he’d be back and what it all meant. i remember the sense that his job was in danger because some flashy young buck with earphones showed up and everyone went into hyper-protective mode about Keith.

there wasn’t a lot of talking.

i remember being around a table, and Keith wasn’t sitting down, he was standing behind my aunt iowa. and he gave me a look that makes me gooey inside still. the kind of look that says, even though you’ll never be mine, you’ll always be mine. and i held his stare for as long as i could, but the devil with the earphones was distracting me.

then i remember sitting on TFMO’s lap at one point and he was talking very softly, yet very sternly to me. telling me that if i wanted to be something else that i could. that america would love me for who i am, i just needed to be myself. then he pulled out video camera and started filming me talking. then he stopped and told me to do it for real, and i did.

TFMO has yet to make the DML, and i think that as soon as i stop watching five hours of MSNBC coverage in a row, right before bed, i’ll stop having dreams about him. but i don’t want that to happen. he’s like a sexy father-figure, always pushing me beyond what i think i can do. and i so need that right now.

after boo’s back to school picnic, i’m feeling very dowdy and invisible. i’m positive that i am meant to do more than this, but i’m not sure what that is yet. thankfully, i just saw a bit on TCM about Jimmy Stewart. there is a scene in “Harvey” that they showed that was like a slap in the face to me:

“Years ago my mother used to say to me, she’d say, “In this world, Elwood, you must be” - she always called me Elwood - “In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.” Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me.”

i shall work on being more pleasant, you may quote me.

last night was boo’s “back to school picnic” at the french immersion school. i was looking forward to it in a this-will-be-a-completely-new-experience kind of way. then i remembered that completely new experiences give me anxiety and shoot my already low self esteem even lower. not helping matters was the fact that we went completely american and stopped by Subway for food. it wasn’t that bad when we got there, hubbin had to make a mad dash home for sweaters and jackets. and while i was stuck on the blanket with the baby, lots of people stopped by to say hi.

seems that most people at the school have a french spouse, or a canadian-french spouse. so it was a little disappointing not meeting another non-french speaking family. the people that we did meet were very reassuring. not that hubbin and i questioned our decision about putting her in the school, and we were never hesitant about sending her there, but it is/was a risk. and to hear how well other kids adapted and how quickly they started speaking french was amazing.

and for the first time ever, boo went off and did her own thing while we were around. she usually wants one of us with her all the time, but i guess she knows that the school is a safe place and it’s ok to do your own thing. which is great to see as a parent, but it’s hard to get used to such instant independence.

i met a really nice woman, married to a frenchmen. she reminded me of JCSG, short red hair, glasses, communications major, infectious laugh and just as critical of cindy mccain as we were. her son is a grade above boo. she didn’t ask for my number, but she did ask if we were in the school directory. so that was good.

it’s hard for me to meet new people. i stay at home with my kids, it’s important, but not very interesting. not when the gorgeous architect just got a job in Morocco and the other woman’s husband is Croatian and they had be living in Montenegro for the summer. i pulled out my best frances mcdormand “fargo” voice on the way home, if only to make myself feel better.

things….that…uhm….not so much…

a.) cindy mccain’s $300K outfit the first night. she reminded me of ivana trump, except cinds has more money.

b.) sarah palin - fuck her and her hockey mom bullshit

c.) huckabee and guiliani - thanks for the fear mongering guys!

d.) the WTC montage video - i didn’t watch this myself, but the fabulous Mr. O’s reaction was 100% right. i guess the GOP has to justify the war some how.

on the plus side

watching the coverage last night with JCSG was awesome. reading the FakeSarahPalin’s tweets on Twitter was hy-larious, and then making it home to see Triumph the Insult Comic Dog on Conan - best line ever…”she [Palin] will be a great-grandmother in 12 years.” it’s funny cuz it’s true!

you know who sucks today? MSNBC. know why? because they are keeping me and keith olbermann apart. fuckers!

sure, they said they are keeping the fabulous Mr. O in new york because of the hurricane coverage. but i think they just don’t approve of our one sided media induced love. or maybe it’s because he leans so far left that they were afraid of some snarky comment he’d make at the RNC. either way, his absence breaks my heart.

JCSG and i had grand plans of heading down to their broadcast site and holding up signs saying “Mathhews and Olbermann 08″ and “Circle Me Keith”. JCSG didn’t get the “circle me” reference, but she’s not a baseball fan like Mr. O and me. millions of fellow minnesotans would have loved it though.

also, in the “i’ve clearly been watching too much TV” category, i had a dream about Mr. O last night. he had this unnaturally large apartment in chaska and the only thing that happened in the dream was that he handed me a catalog for the Loft and told me that maybe i should take a class in political commentary. nice to know that he thinks i need a life too.

today has been a test of patience. the buns was up on and off from 3-6 AM. then boo got up and we geared up for her first day of school. a shortened day, but first day nonetheless. shorter still since their playground time was cut short due to rain. i’m tired and have that shaky feeling you get when you’re running on empty.

boo had an absolute fit when we tried to get her ready for school this morning. she was so excited all weekend, and we had a practice run putting her uniform on and everything. then this morning, she completely fell apart. i tried to take pictures, but a lot of them have tear streaked cheeks and pouty looks.

school went really well. her teacher is very nice and there were other parents there. as usual, on the first day of school, i didn’t talk to anyone. boo met some of the girls. and i got the feeling that some of the parents were there for a photo opp. i’ve never been one for skin tight designer jeans with high heel black strappy sandals, but apparently it’s a look i can hope to pull off well past forty.

we sang songs and did an art project, then snack and play time. boo didn’t want to leave. there was tolerable whining when we left. she woke up from her nap and cried for 45 minutes straight and for the life of me i can’t tell you why. it’s so easy, when one is so tired, to just give in and give her what she wants. to keep the peace. but fuck that. part of being a good parent is not taking the easy road. it’s doing what you know needs to be done even though it’ll end in tears. for both of you.