mydarlingcurse.com

since i’m not sure how to put photo’s on the blog yet, you’ll have to go here and see some of my pictures from ireland.

if your missed this, i’m sorry.

family guy continues to be one of my faves…..here is why.

sorry, but youtube took the clip down - too many violations i guess.

so despite doctors orders, we all went to the Fair today. we got up and headed out early, and were at the Fair by 9:00 AM. i have this theory that it’s not cool to have a corndog for breakfast, but after 9:30 isn’t everything really considered brunch?

boo had a fabulous time. the birthing center was really cool - she knew what all the animals were, except the calves, which she thought were dogs - most city kids do though. she loved watching the chicks, but didn’t want to pet a lamb. it was awesome watching her discover and absorb all of it though.

we moseyed around and looked at the big pumpkins and got some honey taffy. then we thought she’d probably like the giant slide. and let me tell you right now, hubbin is a sucker. they went down and as soon as she got off she wanted to go again - so they both rush up to me “can we go again? huh? can we mom? can we?” what are you, 12? of course you can go again!

sheesh! whatever made them think i’d be the hardass mom that only lets them go one something once? boo loved it, she cried when we left. so i told her we’d find more rides. like a ride in the stroller to the corn roast! yea!

thankfully, there is a pint-sized midway for little ones. she went on a dragon boat ride, the merry-go-round with mommy (puke) and some weird bee/flower/bubble thing with daddy. then she was pooped and i was pooped and we headed back. we stopped at sweet martha’s cookie jar and hit the all the milk you can drink - a whole buck now! fucking dairy assosication, ripping us off at every turn! mongrels.

we were home and asleep by 1:30PM. i woke up dazed that it could be so light out a four in the morning, that lead to a splitting headache that i haven’t been able to rid myself of. we grilled chicken and had salad but i’m still sick to my stomach. i knew i overdid it, i’ve been gulping gatoraide and water but to no avail. the fair is great, but it still makes you feel like shit. like i don’t know anyone who goes and afterward when you talk to them they don’t sound like they’ve been worked over with a baseball bat.

fucking fair.

i keep trying to make sense out of all of this, yet i want to avoid it at the same time.

after my last day of class at the loft yesterday, a few of us walked across the street to Gold Medal Park to see part of the bridge and just sort of soak it all in.

there were a lot of people there, and all we could do was just look. we walked over to the Guthrie and went up to the upper levels where we got a different, more complete view. it’s so bizzare, i mean, how does 500 feet of bridge just collapse? how does engineered steel and concrete just stop working?

i’m glad i went, it’s the minneapolis equivalent to Ground Zero, it’s a place of tragedy and heroism, and i was a block away, i guess i just felt like i needed to pay my respects.

once i came home, it was hard not to watch TV. but these images, this loss of life…it just does no good to keep saturating oneself with it. i hope that’s the lesson we leared from September 11. it’s still difficult, its like watching makes you feel involved somehow, as if you are a part of it. but why be a part of it when some many people actually were? when i have no idea, absolutely no idea what it’s like to be in their shoes.

i just hope those most affected by all of this find peace soon, that they begin to heal soon.

while baby/dog sitting for sweet little Eiffel, Wapa and LT’s dog - she snapped her ACL. we are pretty sure that it happened on sunday, but with goofy labs, how can you tell? she wasn’t putting any weight on it, so i made the decision to wait 24 hours before i brought her into her vet. he confirmed the torn ACL and i’m just sick about it.

Wapa and LT are hiking in oregon and i’ve been leaving messages on Wapa’s cell, but i don’t think he’s got coverage in the tetons.
the vet gave me pain medication for her and she’s goes back for x-rays on friday. i can’t believe that this happened on my watch. out of the 100 times that we’ve watched ‘lil Eif, nothing has gone wrong, out of the 30 times we’ve taken her to the cabin, nothing has happened - the law of averages states….it was only a matter of time.

i just wish there was more that i could do. the vet says that the damage has already been done, so there really isn’t anything we can do, and the only way to repair the damage is through surgery. and while i was totally willing to schedule and pay for surgery (which is totally what i would do for my dog) i guess the vet wants to wait for Wapa. whatever!

the good thing is, she’s not in pain, the great thing is is that she’s still her cute little self. she and the coop-a-doop (my dog) have been playing with each other while lying down - Coop knows she’s limited. i just am dreading Wapa getting my messages, the anxiety he’s going to feel, the helplessness. gah! douple, triple, holy shit!

the boo has been battling a raging temp since about 7 o’clock last night. she’s still herself, but she’s in massive cuddle mode. when i measured her temp last night around 1 o’clock in the morning, it was the highest i’ve ever seen it, 102.1. hubbin and i, well, and boo, have been really blessed that she’s gone almost two years without any serious illness. she’s had pink-eye (from day-care. and a special thanks to the parent who left it unchecked and kept bringing their kid in to daycare. the notice only went up after boo had it confirmed), and she’s had two ear infections.

but this fever, it seemed to come out of nowhere. hubbin took her to swimming class last night and he said she was fine. but i could tell the second they pulled up to the house and he took her out of the car that something wasn’t right. she’s a book, my boo, large print and easy to read. she’s get’s that from her mom.

so she’s home today, even thought it’s a day-care day. i have my mom writing class today and they are workshopping my piece, so i’d really like to go. thankfully, annie oakley is available to babysit and is practially bursting at the seams to come over and help. she’s such a mom. not mine, natch, but she’s got this universal momality to her that i just love.

it’s a pain having to change things today. i don’t want to say that i take her days at “school” for granted, but i do take full advantage of the time - the class, scheduling appointments, etc. i count on it, i guess. i’m totally able to adapt and change, but still, it’s a bummer that she’s sick.

totally stolen from JCSG…is there nothing original anymore? not here, obviously.

1. my name is jodie. i have legally changed my twice so far, once when i got married and once several years later. the later change included changing the official spelling of my name from “jody” to “jodie”.

2. my dad refuses to use my legal name “jodie” and still writes “jody” when sending cards and e-mails.

3. i am married with one child and i can’t decided who i love spending time with more.

4. sometimes my husband and my daughter bug the shit out of me.

5. i take medication for depression.

6. i am over-weight.

7. i have had laser hair removal done on a couple of areas on my body and it makes me feel so much better about myself.

8. my favorite band is the black crowes. i especially have a crush on chris robinson, and feel that my love will heal him.

9. i was 35 before i got my first tattoo.

10. the first boy i french kissed died tragically in a car accident.

11. i have beautiful green eyes.

12. i have been kicked out of the tower of london.

13. i have kissed the blarney stone - twice.

14. my mom passed away on november 11, 2006.

15. my brother passed away on february 6, 2007.

16. i think my dad is the strongest person i know.

17. i actually have two degrees - not a double major - theatre and english.

18. my favorite job was working at a movie theatre.

19. i was then a waitress for six years.

20. i am a stay at home mom.

21. one of my best friends is 6′5″ and she’s a woman!

22. i rather sleep than do anything else.

23. i have a secret passion for vampire novels.

24. my drink of choice is wine, with pimms and ginger a close second.

25. i don’t ususally wear a watch, but when i do, i wear it on my right wrist.

26. i’ve always wanted to win best supporting actress, never best actress. i’m not sure why.

27. i read, i write, i watch tv.

28. one of my biggest pet peeves is people throwing their cigarette butts outside their cars. get a fucking ashtray.

29. i’ve had a raging crush on my english teacher since i was 14.

30. i can touch my nose with my tounge.

31. one time, my mom didn’t let me out of the house because i wasn’t wearing matching earings.

32. sometimes i go to church

33. in every single conversation i have i try to make people laugh.

34. if i could do anything i’d be an actor.

35. the first thing i said after giving birth to my daughter was “let’s do it again”.

36. hubbin and i are trying to get pregnant again. so see, i meant it.

today is JCSG’s birthday and i feel like a failure. last year i think i knocked her socks off so hard the are in orbit around mercury. and this year, nothing. what with telling an entire bar she puts out last year, i’ve yet to embarass her to tears this year.

true, we’ve discussed our hectic schedules. and yes we plan to get together sometime this weekend. still, it’s not the same.

JCSG is really an amazing person. and even though i don’t hang with her nearly enough, i am honored to have her in my life.

i love telling people that i have a super tall best friend. i get a kick out of seeing people’s eyes light up when i tell them that she has a superman tattoo. my secret pleasure about JCSG is making her laugh. she laughs and people two towns away smile.

so happy birthday jodi - you rock!

during breakfast this morning - i noticed that on the back of the graham cracker box is actually a receipe for s’mores. i mean, who couldn’t figure that out?

i haven’t been completely honest here lately. i haven’t lied, but i am holding certian things back - even when i think it’s not there (and steege will completely agree with this) - there is a definite and solid wall around certian things inside of me.

just a moment ago, as i was hanging something up in my closet i was about to form a sentence in my mind about what i am scared of.

my dad is going in for hip surgery on thursday - total replacement. and he’s needed this for years and because of the poor health and eventual death of my mother and brother respectively, he’s put it off until now. and it struck me that if something ever happens to him, i will have no family. or family of origin as they say. i am an only child, so there was just the three of us. and now that my mom’s gone, all i have left is my dad.

yeah yeah - i have other “family”, slootie and the kids and my stoner cousin and hubbin’s family (although they are working our last nerve too). it’s just not the same and for the last 24 hours i have been on the brink of tears at how alone i am.

my dad is going to need a certian amount of round the clock care after they release him from the hospital. and while i am more than happy to do it, i have learned from my experience with caring for my mother, that i cannot take care of both boo and someone else. boo is at that age where the only way to describe her is “a very optimistic and adventurous monkey”. you can’t take your eye off of her for a second. as anyone with a toddler will tell you. you think you are gone for a second and you come back to find they have cut their hair off or decorated your new wallpaper with crayons and markers.

i can’t do both - it doesn’t work. and while it seems like a good thing to know my limitations in this, it means that i need to find someone to watch boo while i watch my dad. daycare is our most solid option and thankfully they will let us switch days, but then for evenings and last minute stuff that i might need….there is next to no one.

and that makes my heart hurt. it makes me feel like i’ve been completely abandonded by the powers that be, that because i have no real family to speak of, boo won’t either. that all she’ll have is us and honeslty - and this is the other big thing that is scaring me - i think there is something wrong with me. with my family history i feel like i will not have a choice and for whatever reason will die young. i get now why my mom was so upset about working hard for her life and then having to leave it behind. leaving it behind before you got the chance to enjoy it.

so live everyday like it’s your last and appreciate very little second you have - right? fuck that.
we’re human - we are built to take everything and everyone for granted.
if i lived everyday like it was my last, i’d be afraid to wake up and none of the stupid little mundane things wouldn’t get done.
don’t dust - live today like it’s your last!
screw laundry - appreciate the moment NOW!

i get that you have to find balance, but it’s seems so unatainable when i’ve lived my life over the last year.
i feel like i’m damn lucky that i make it through more days than not without crying. that i haven’t completely shut down and shaved my head is beyond me. do you think the nut house has call ahead seating?