mydarlingcurse.com

Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

I stole this from Jonathan Carroll’s FB page. He’s going to wind up on my 50 and Over list soon if he doesn’t watch it.

I also sent this quote to a friend, because it is so up her alley. She’s going to share it with a million people, so I thought I’d share it with you. This is especially poignant for me because I’m such a worrier. Who doesn’t need a reminder not to dwell on the stupid stuff? Who doesn’t get a sigh of relief when they are told, gently and calmly, it’s going to be okay?

Darlings, if you ever wondered what the perfect gift for me would be….stop wrecking your brains. This bitch is so easy to buy for, it’s scary. This should help. It’s only (yeah, ONLY) $200.

P.S. My birthday is in early June. Wink wink, nudge nudge.

Dear Anne Hathaway,

I do not want to hear that Johnny Depp is a normal guy. I was to hear that he’s a freak-show and then I want his phone number.

If Johnny Depp were a normal guy he’d be a high school teacher or own a liquor store. Normal guys manage storage units. Johnny Depp is a fucking brilliant actor. In no way is that normal. Sure, I bet he’s a nice guy. In real life he’s probably a great dad and soft spoken and makes a mean crème brûlée. But I doubt he’s normal. People of that talent aren’t normal, that’s why they are in the stratosphere.

I’m sure that when you are talented and famous other talented and famous people seem normal. But that’s like saying people who like surgery scars will also like other people who like surgery scars. Birds of a feather, right? Normal is as normal does.

But let me ask you this, would you live in Hunter S. Thompson’s basement? No. Because it’s creepy and weird. Even for a film role it’s creepy and weird.

The genius of Johnny Depp doesn’t come from a normal place. It comes from that place few of us brave to go near. Johnny Depp goes there, repeatedly, and that’s why he churns out such haunting brilliant performances. Don’t diminish the extraordinary gifts given to him by labeling him ‘normal’. Cherish him for being phenomenal.

Sincerely,
Jodie

I just did twenty minutes on the treadmill and then took a shower. While drying and brushing my hair, I watched 24 on Hulu and now The Buns is awake and I have to go pick up The Boo from school.

I feel great.

I think it’s important to give as much time and energy to acknowledging our good days as well as our bad. Although our bad days always seem more interesting. Luckily there is little to gravity to our good days, which is why our bad days seem especially burdensome.

A few things on my mind today:

B-Sides - I got to see B-Sides last weekend and he gave me easily one of the top ten hugs of all time. And when I saw him he mentioned his old college band. The name was something that I knew and had heard of, but hearing it after so much time and thinking it was forgotten was just ultra-cool. Gust.

The Outlaw - Heard through the grapevine that The Outlaw’s Mom passed away over the weekend. She was always very sweet to me and while I’m not happy she’s gone, I’m happy that she’s no longer in pain.

White Apples - Jonathan Carroll recommended this book to me and for the life of me I can’t get through it. Not nearly as emotionally sweet or cosmically engaging as The Ghost In Love.

Lunch - I have two lunches planned this week and I’m looking forward to both for very different reasons.

Cheese Sticks - I have been craving and craving and craving these. They are so gross and bad for you, but so wickedly delicious.

I feel like I’ve over used adverbs in this post. For that I’m truly sorry.

I am a person who believes that dreams means something. I have always been a very vivid dreamer. It’s scary sometimes. I scare myself. I also have the ability to remember several dreams, not just one.

Last night I had a dream of the Chicago Cowboy. For those who aren’t familiar with the Chicago Cowboy he’s my big college ex that I’ve tried in all sorts of ways to stay in touch with and remain friends with. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t. But a few months ago we broke up. For real. Over e-mail. And unless I reach out to try and mend things, I’ll never from him again. He’s one of those types that doesn’t make an effort ever. He’ll always take your call, but he’ll never call you. He’ll always write back, but never write first. Sometimes this is okay with me, but right now, it’s not.

A part of me will also wonder about the well-being of the Cowboy. I love him. I’ll always want him to be okay. But I can’t make him okay. I can’t make him anything, I don’t want to.

The dream was brief and realistic. We were face to face saying goodbye. I was leaving somewhere, somewhere far. And he simply reached out and touched my face. Usually this kind of tenderness from him would cause me to try and get into contact with him. I would feel like he needed me. But maybe that was all a bunch of crap and self-projection. Him not needing me, me needing him. And today I release all of that. Today, maybe it doesn’t mean anything.

And I get the irony that while it might not mean anything I’m posting about it, so it must mean something. Maybe. But I already feel better getting it out there and not feel the need to mention him again. So welcome to the list of other losers that I will not give any more time, energy, or thought about.

Names Never Again Mentioned Here:
Sarah Palin
Octomom
Chicago Cowboy

The Vet is a Winter Olympics fanatic. She loves it, it’s insane. She’s been like that since high school. In 1988, I was sleeping over at her house the weekend before Valentine’s Day. We were lounging around her living room with her Mom watching the games and making valentines. I can’t remember if it was hockey or ice skating that we were watching but Dick Buttons was doing the commentary. The three of us were so engrossed in the games that The Vet’s Mom wrote “Happy Dick Day” on one of the valentines. We all laughed until we cried. It’s a great memory of friendship and love.

Hubbin and I are not breaking with tradition tonight, even though we have one of the little french girls sleeping over. We’re all heading to The Tower for pizza. I don’t remember last year’s Valentine’s dinner there, but the year before was a hoot.

So Happy Dick Day darlings.

Mr. Carroll’s words mesmerize me. The world is a much brighter place for me because of his talent and generosity. This caught my attention today.

“The mind is like a detective– it wants facts and figures. But the heart, its perennial sidekick, keeps shaking its head and smiling: There was no way in the world they were going to find the facts and crack this case.” - from his blog post 2.4.
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I hate to gush about a TV show, because it makes me feel really insipid. Oh I love this show so much I have to BLOG about it, it feels pathetic in a stay-at-home-mom way that just makes me cringe. At least it’s not about Oprah.

I was watching Twin Peaks last night and I got to the episode (ep. 14 or 15) when Ben Horne is in jail for Laura Palmer’s murder and his brother Jerry comes to visit. There are bunk beds in Ben’s cell and Jerry says, Ben remember? Me on the top bunk, you on the bottom bunk and Louise Dembowski dancing on the hook rug with a flashlight? Then the scene changes and this Angelo Badalamenti 50’s-rock music starts playing and it’s about a minute of this girl in bobby socks dancing slow-mo with a flashlight and it’s one of those moments from childhood that is so wonderful and sweet it makes your heart swell. Ben and Jerry pause and look off in the distance sighing and smiling, thinking of an easier time. Then Jerry says, Lord, what’s become of us? And we’re back in the jail cell with two men who aren’t nearly as successful as they think they are.

It is one of my favorite scenes from the series and I had completely forgotten about it. It is the antitheses of the whole Twin Peaks series and David Lynch’s filmmaking philosophy. In jail for murder, flooded by this great memory. Aching for a simpler time, for a chance to go back and make things right. Having no choice but to move ahead toward your doomed fate. All of Lynch’s characters are doomed on Twin Peaks. All of them. Every single one. Even my beloved Agent Cooper.

I used to think that the whole world was like that. That no matter what we did, we were doomed, more specifically damned. But we aren’t. There is an abundance of love in my life and with the slightest effort I can open my mind and receive it. We all can. No matter how bad your day, there is a moment of love waiting for you. Be open. Be ready.

So, it’s be quiet here lately. Yeah. And here’s the thing, I don’t want this to be my virtual tampon for every gush of something wrong or unpleasant. I mean, let’s get down to brass tacks here. I am a housewife, mother of two. I spend my days with a rambunctious two-year old who is at the stage where every time you say “No” or do something he does not like - he throws a huge screaming and crying fit. Seriously, it looks like the kid has been tasered when he gets going. It’s awful and something you just have to ride out. But it’s draining as well.

This is also a hard time of year for me. My brother died on February 5 2007. He celebrated his last birthday in the hospital. My parents’ wedding anniversary is around this time too. My Dad and Annie Oakley just got back from two weeks in Mexico. I guess that’s how he deals with it. Granted there are no right or wrong ways to dealing with death. Running off to a beach with your girlfriend and buddies pisses me off, but it must make him feel better. And I don’t agree with him just taking off. My cousin and my niece have a really hard time with all this death in the family. He could at least be around to call his grandkids - especially the two who lost their father. I understand that you need to take care of yourself. You need to cope and grieve. But as head of the family - which he reminds us all of so frequently - he needs to reach out and help others heal as well.

In unrelated news, I hate that today is Super Bowl Sunday. I am still so mad and hurt by the Vikings loss that I swear and choke up still when I talk about it. And here is why everyone is so broken up about it. This is the closest we will get to it. This was the year, this was the team, this was the QB. Chickenshit Childress had no answer or strategy for the Saints’ “Let’s Get Favre” defense and he should have. They fucking talked about it all goddamn week on ESPN. All the fucking time you heard “N.O. is going to force the turnover, the are going to attack Favre and try and strip the ball.” I head that shit every day!! Was Childress deaf to it? I hate it, hate it, hate it when games come down to a field goal. Because when that happens it means you fucking up some sweet opportunity earlier in the game and now you’re not play as a team, you’re counting on one guy. I was there at the Dome in 1998 when we missed the FG against Atlanta. It was awful. I’ve never recovered. And when the Vikings were gearing up for the FG….the FG that would have sent them to the Super Bowl I knew deep in my bones that they would fuck it up. I KNEW IT! Hubbin and I were pacing and clenching our fists and I had tears, seriously. And when it all went to hell I wanted to punch the TV and then stick my bloody hand in salt and lemon juice. I wanted to put a toothpick in my eye. I wanted to kick every single O-Line guy in the throat and then in the nuts. I wanted to box ears. I don’t give a fuck that N.O. has never been to the Super Bowl. I don’t care about healing the city or whatever. I want to peel the skin off of every FB friend who is rooting for N.O. I take some comfort in the fact that no way do they have a chance to win. But it should be us. A dear friend really, really, really, wants us to come over for the game and I don’t want to. I just don’t care. Sorry.

A few good things - it’s been about 30 days since my last cigarette. I think about smoking maybe once a day, but nothing is tipping the scales one way or another. Which is good. I coordinated a Bake Sale at Boo’s French school. We made about $700 in three days. I’m really proud of that. We are working on going to Arizona and I might take Boo down to Iowa during her February break. It was this time last year that I had emergency surgery down there. Oye!

Sometimes it’s the simple things that fill me with joy and extreme contentment. Like hosting a dinner with some wonderful friends. My BFF, her crack-up hubbin, my hubbin, Il Pirata, his lovely wife and I are all going to have an adult meal with no kids. The stars indeed are aligned.

On the menu - because you know how I like lists….

Brie en Croute with fresh grapes, toasted nuts and crackers
Spinach Quiche (and Quiche Lorianne).
Roasted potatoes and parsnips with herbs and tomatoes
some kind of funky salad
asparagus
fresh bread
and
The BFF is bring dessert…

Pair all this with some delicious wine and some belly laughs and it will be on par with NYE. Except Lori wouldn’t be showing off her wet t-shirt skills and let’s face it, that really was a highlight.