3 showers in 10 days, plus the little ambush mini-shower bookclub blindsided me with.

and i love everything! really, i do. but i'm wiped out.

apparently my body is preparing me for new parenthood, because it's not letting me sleep like a normal person. and i don't count catching winks between 4:30 AM and 9:00 AM as sleep. that's more of a junkie nap if you ask me. i'm sure it worked for langston hughes, but he wasn't 8 months preggers.

the best part of the weekend - getting a pooh abc book in which "d" does not stand for "dog" as in most books. in the pooh book, "d" stands for "dragon".

i'm going to have the coolest kid ever!

first an announcement...

i am going to skip the july bookclub. i'm not even going to begin to kid myself that i'll be able to complete the book and participate in meaningful discussion after 36 weeks of pregnancy. there i said it.

so, that being said, i have some time to pursue other books that have been sitting around my bedroom for about a year. one of which was The Giant, O'Brien. this was so disappointing. but it taught me a valuble lesson...just because a books takes place in Ireland, doesn't mean it's going to be good. just like Haunted Ground before it (also set in Ireland), The Giant, O'Brien doesn't do the land justice. so i'm not going to waste my breath responding to or giving my opinion about either book. i'll save that much needed energy for when i go into labor.

however, after Haunted and Giant i plunged into Notes on a Scandal, What was she thinking? recommended by the beautiful JCSG. and honestly, i'm a little more distracted by it than i care to admit. i like the book, don't get me wrong, but it does bring up so old wounds for me. wounds that have long since healed, but i just i'm feeling....what is it?....ghost pain?

anyone who knows me well, can tell you of a certian don't-stand-so-close-to-me-lolitaesque THING i have in my past. and i happen to be friends with someone who did end up marrying a previous student. and while i can't say this with any proof whatsoever, i don't think anything happened when they were actively teacher and student. the romance started much later.

however, reading this book does make me think of this friend often. he and i have stopped speculating of what our relationship might have been a long time ago, but still on certain rainy days, when the light is just right my mind conjures up a different thread of my exisistance. one that follows a relationship with him and where things would be today if i had. and while this makes me feel warm and special - i'd never trade that for this.

i'll take the rain and the special light and embrace the heartburn i so frequently have. i'll relish the interuptions caused by frequent urination and the sharp pains caused by tiny limbs moving inside of me. sure he'd have been a great lover, but only this way do i have a husband and father for baby. only this way do i have what i truly want.

after watching almost 30 hours of soprano's catching up on seasons 3 & 4 before i crack open season 5, i'm starting to feel myself unwind a bit.
i had to cancel on jcsg today - she was going to help me with the website, make it pretty pretty pony. i had some family stuff and while it was great to see everyone, it left me exhausted. so i crawled back on top of my pillows and zoned out tony and the gang.
hubbin and i started season 5 this evening, he needed a break so i click on the TV and an old bogart/bacall movie is on. one that i love, but in my current state cannot remember the name of.

i made the mistake of mentioning this website thing to my mum. she wanted to know why i needed/wanted a website and blah blah blah. i told her that i needed an outlet, a place to state for the record how crazy i think my family is. and she gets a little bent out of shape. thinking that anyone in my family would ever know/ask/or care if i had a website and what i may or may not say.
now, trust me, i'm not having a pity party...no poor me here about my family. it just proves my point. she's got nothing to worry about.

1. jcsg built this site for me and i've hardly ever used it.
2. for whatever reason, my body just doesn't seem to feel better after the whole american idol/kidney infection incident.
3. i probably quite working too soon.
4. i can't stop eating/chewing on ice or other frozen treats.
5. i had cable re-installed yeaterday (after about an 8 month absence) - although this might not be so lame because i haven't really watched tv since it was re-installed.
6. i totally forgot to call jcsg on her birthday - which is SUPER lame since she sent me purple flowers
7. i had mcdonalds for lunch
8. i was too chicken to ask pam to wax my special area when i was there earlier this morning.
9. i'm addicted to the tv shows 'house' and 'family guy'
10. i haven't showered since saturday.