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Sticks and stones

Post on January 22nd, 2010 by Jodie

I had to dive into this after being absent for about a week, but oh well.

I read an update on FB about a friend whose daughter was the target of some name calling on the school bus. I guess the parent called the school, the school social worker and some other parents. Obviously this sparked quite the comment flurry and since I don’t know the person well enough to comment on FB, I do have my own experience to share.

As a kid I was gross, fat and greasy. And not much has changed, believe me. I was picked on quite a bit. My father is blind and that caused a lot of name calling, looking back I was a real easy target. Being that I went to the neighborhood school, I walked to school every day. I’d walk up my North Minneapolis alley and memorize where the cracks were, where puddles formed, the backs of garages and what flowers people planted. Then I’d schlep two and half blocks up and be at school. The whole journey took ten minutes.

There was a kid on my block, Mike, who would ambush me in the alley several times a week. Name calling and hitting. I’d go home with scrapes and bloody noses and my Mom would call Mike’s Mom and try to “work it out”. Mike’s older brother Tony had leukemia. And even with phone calls nothing much changed. One day Mike really clocked me on the side of the head/corner of my eye. My Mom called Mike’s Mom, but my Dad cried Bullshit. Dad and my brother Randy, took me out back, behind the garage where my Mom couldn’t see and they taught me how to throw a punch; thumb on the outside, don’t just swing your arm, but channel your energy from your shoulder and then explode out. Then they took turns holding up there hands for me to hit. I remember my Dad saying the next time Mike bothered me to “sock him, right in the gut”. And two days later that’s just what I did.
Mike had me pinned up against the back of his garage. I balled my fist - thumb on the outside - and thwunked Mike in the gut. He dropped like a brick and I ran home, scared and proud. Mike never bothered me again.

This is not to say that violence is the answer. It is not. Violence to me is large scale, unlawful, and meant to terrorize. Defending oneself is different. As a parent I’d hope to teach my children to have thick skin and ignore the chatter of idiots. But being a kid is hard and kids listen to other kids. But I’d hope to teach my kids how to cope with name calling and other kid-dom injustices. Getting all riled up and calling the school seems like a such a temporary fix to me. Gun in a locker, yeah call the school. Name calling on the bus, it’s gonna happen. Can we call our kids’ boyfriends and girlfriends when they treat our kids unfairly? Can we call their boss and co-workers because they don’t appreciate our child as much as they should? No. But we can give our kids coping skills and other tools to help them stand-up for themselves. Defending our kids is natural. HOW DARE THEY! Right? I get it. But stupidity and injustices happen all the time, everywhere. Yes, we need to work to change it, but we also need to accept the reality of it and not let it destroy us.

Mike could have annihilated my spirit. He came close, I’m sure. But we need to make sure our kids know, especially girls, that even though no one can take that from them, they may have to fight for it. And that’s okay. Just remember, thumb on the outside.

Category just the day |

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