Do You Love Me?
For whatever reason, there are times when my mind wonders and I come up with answers to questions I imagine Boo or The Buns will ask me someday. Today I was thinking of “do you believe in love at first sight”. Here is what I came up with:
I do believe in love at first sight, but feel that this has more to do with hormones, pheromones, and electricity. I remember feeling physically altered upon seeing the Ex-English. What is amazing about this is that I was only 13 at the time and that’s a little young for love at first sight. But it profoundly effected me for the rest of my life. Do I love him? Doubtful, but I do feel something for him. Can I help feeling something for him? No, that’s beyond my control. I feel that I am simply caught up in an orbit and that is my course and I accept it. Regardless of how the Earth feels about the Moon, the Moon does what it does - waxes and wanes and that is very much my relationship with the Ex-English.
Also, seeing the Chicago Cowboy for the first time, I thought that was love at first sight. We sought each other out, loved madly and passionately and I had a really, really, really had time getting over him. Like ten years of a hard time. Do I love him? I did. Past tense. And he loved me and we went our separate ways. Good riddance too. Thank god we didn’t get to a point of irreversible damage and hate, hard as we tried.
I couldn’t really tell you how I felt the first time I saw my Hubbin. I want to say it was at a club with our friends, but I can’t be sure. However, the first time I kissed him…I had such an overwhelming sense of permanence and safety that it was hard to put into words. All I remember thing after kissing him was “This man will be in my life for a long long time.” I was right about that and at the time I knew it. It was such a relief too. Like all the bullshit was behind me and now I could just be happy and breathe.
