mydarlingcurse.com

As a Gemini, I have two sides to me, always. This whole Felony business is now really starting to eat at my craw. Slootie gets sentenced this week. On Thursday, to be specific. On Thursday, 4 June….my birthday. Since it’s still not all out in the open yet, I feel that it’s not my place to talk about all of it here, yet. Let me just get a few things off my chest.

First off, Slootie deserves what she gets. I am not fiercely protecting the image of my dead brother here, so don’t get me wrong. But anyone who knowing breaks the law, and who knows better, should be punished. Do I want her to go to jail? Hell no. Of course not. Do I agree with the principal of her going to jail and serving punishment for a crime, absolutely. However, sending her to jail has a warped sense of justice about it. Sure, she’s being punished, but what of the two innocents she has to leave behind? KK and Bubba - my niece and nephew - have already had a shitty enough hand dealt to them in their short lives. And I don’t see how the system punishing her (even rightly so) does not in some way ultimately punish them. I have a huge problem with that.

I also have a huge problem knowing what I know about the case. I find her motivation abhorrent, even though it has been stated that she did what she did with the best of intentions. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. No one signs another persons name over and over for the purpose of greed with good intentions. Fuck that! And the fact that she is still seeing this “good intention” after taking the fall for him, I find it very difficult to respect women who have no respect for themselves.

On the other hand, I feel the need to be there for her, to be there for the kids. She calls and I don’t hang up. She asked me to write a letter to the judge on her behalf and I did. It was a hard letter to write since I couldn’t in good faith actually plead for leniency. I only stated that my main concern was for the kids and that after seeing their father go through such a long and horrible illness, after losing him too soon, their Mother has been there to help them cope and they still need her. Which is true.

I am embarrassed as hell that my family has boiled down to this. But in a way it hasn’t. I have my own immediate family, and I think they are just swell. It’s this “family of origin” that I feel I’ll have to explain……she’s not a bad person, she’s just an incarcerated felon.

I am getting seasick from the fluctuation of feelings I have about all of this. How is justice served by putting her in jail and orphaning those kids? But how can I ever look her in the eye again if she gets off with a slap on the wrist?

I guess we’ll find out Thursday.