the fabulous Mr. O dream
we were in a really big house and some of my extended family was there…The Fabulous Mr. O (TFMO) was wearing light khaki pants, and white shirt and a light colored jacket (hummana hummana hummana). for whatever reason, Keith was running the show, we were all very concerned with when he was leaving, when he’d be back and what it all meant. i remember the sense that his job was in danger because some flashy young buck with earphones showed up and everyone went into hyper-protective mode about Keith.
there wasn’t a lot of talking.
i remember being around a table, and Keith wasn’t sitting down, he was standing behind my aunt iowa. and he gave me a look that makes me gooey inside still. the kind of look that says, even though you’ll never be mine, you’ll always be mine. and i held his stare for as long as i could, but the devil with the earphones was distracting me.
then i remember sitting on TFMO’s lap at one point and he was talking very softly, yet very sternly to me. telling me that if i wanted to be something else that i could. that america would love me for who i am, i just needed to be myself. then he pulled out video camera and started filming me talking. then he stopped and told me to do it for real, and i did.
TFMO has yet to make the DML, and i think that as soon as i stop watching five hours of MSNBC coverage in a row, right before bed, i’ll stop having dreams about him. but i don’t want that to happen. he’s like a sexy father-figure, always pushing me beyond what i think i can do. and i so need that right now.
after boo’s back to school picnic, i’m feeling very dowdy and invisible. i’m positive that i am meant to do more than this, but i’m not sure what that is yet. thankfully, i just saw a bit on TCM about Jimmy Stewart. there is a scene in “Harvey” that they showed that was like a slap in the face to me:
“Years ago my mother used to say to me, she’d say, “In this world, Elwood, you must be” - she always called me Elwood - “In this world, Elwood, you must be oh so smart or oh so pleasant.” Well, for years I was smart. I recommend pleasant. You may quote me.”
i shall work on being more pleasant, you may quote me.