hot sunday
maybe i’m being a ninny, but i think it’s too hot outside. so hot in fact that i don’t think the kids should be outside for very long. i’m sure warm and humid air is good for something - i mean, look at all the old folks down in florida. but to me it’s just gross. and yeah i get it that kids don’t care about stuff like that, but parents should.
so am i a bad/evil mom for not encouraging my almost three year old to play outside? am i just projecting concern over the weather to cover up my own laziness and aversion to hot weather? i mean she’s not ten, it’s not like i can let her outside and have her entertain herself. she needs supervision, so if she’s in the heat, we’re in the heat. and like i said, hot weather like this is gross.
i had a realization today that i’m just passing through. nothing sticks to me, i stick to nothing. there is no lasting impression i make on things around me, and i forget events and conversations almost instantly. i guess you could call this living in the moment, but it seems more like a creepy mental illness to me.
i get that it’s all about the kids, that i have a three month old that needs me, that i nurse and cherish. that it’s temporary. but what’s going to be left of me in two years when he’s a toddler and boo is a kindergartner? who is that chick going to be? do i even care at the moment? not really, but i do think about it.
i guess i just miss being interesting and funny and new to someone.
fabulous vodo-esque webcrush where are you? not that that would help. but it would be something.
something else has to happen to me. beyond kids and fighting with the chicago cowboy(aka the chicago ex). is it wrong that i’m not content with BCB with JCSG being enough of an outlet?
will mydarlingcurse ever be more than an emotion tampon and mental vomitorium?
stay tuned….