mydarlingcurse.com

since the arrival of the magnificent “buns”, i’ve been missing my boo terribly. while i love nursing and caring and nuzzling my infant, i long to bound and bounce and giggle and tumble with boo. all in good time, i know, but when the weather cooperates we all get antsy and i just want to take her and go.

and yet, the buns is still an anchor that keeps me grounded and none too far away. i don’t mind, really. but i do get jealous when she - now having spent more time with daddy - calls for him instead of me, wants his help before mine. well, maybe jealous isn’t the right word.

when i have my two little darlings home with me, i’ve been working hard on getting them on the same nap schedule. boo is dead set in hers, while buns i feel i can bend and mold into the routine. he has yet to fully cooperate.

however, i did get some serene time with boo, while she was sleeping of course. and i finally put my finger on why i treasure nap time with her so much. before buns we’d snuggle up together every day and snooze. it was bliss. and obviously i’ve missed that too. but today, it became clear to me why i love that time with her so much. she isn’t moving. she isn’t talking. it’s the only time when i really get to hold her. even when she comes to me crying, it isn’t for very long. thankfully i have a very dramatic daughter who lets fury and pain wash over her, then recovers quickly and is at her old self within in a minute. where ever does she get it?

but these brief minutes of stillness and nap and serenity are wonderful. i am so grateful that i got to catch a moment or two in my hand today, cool breeze warm sheets her hair smelling like ozone she sighed and sank into my curves and i felt i knew what prayer was like. it was lovely and has sustained me since.

but wait it gets better….

after a successful trip to the potty, after she was done washing her hands, she came over to me and hugged me randomly and said “I’m so glad you are my Mommy”.

don’t let anyone tell you that motherhood is completely thankless. it’s not.

so i’ve been feeling sad tonight, with the tale of my mom, etc.

so i popped in the ear buds and listened to Warpaint.

i haven’t had a chance to listen to this album in one sitting, but tonight i did.

there have been times in my life when listening to the crowes becomes something cosmic and spiritual and i just freeze and let the awe wash over me. tonight was one of those times.

while listening to Wounded Bird, it felt like Chris Robinson was reaching out to just me, telling me to let go, it would be ok. and its why i love him.

Now don’t look back
My wounded bird
There’s nothing for you here
Need no wing just set your mind to fly

if i ever meet him, i’m going to give him a hug and just say “thank you”.

every year on my birthday my Mom would call me and tell me the story of the day i was born….i miss it terribly.

she would tell me that on the evening of june 3 she made tuna salad for dinner. she and my dad had a evening at home and around nine o’clock she thought that they baby was coming. my dad remembers her in the kitchen doing dishes or something and then she said, “I think I need to go to the hospital.” so around ten o’clock, with her bags packed, my Mom drove herself to the hospital and i was born at ten to one in the morning.

later on the 4th, she said there were terrible storms and even a tornado. the hospital staff moved all the new mommy’s and babies down into the basement until the weather cleared. then she stayed in the hospital for a week until she brought me home.

in the last year of her life, my mother’s speech became very impaired. the disease she had, MSA, atrophied her vocal cords, so she was very difficult to understand. her lips would move, but sometimes no sound would come out. it was heartbreaking. still, she called me to tell me the story of my birth and i knew it so well, she didn’t need the words.

and even though her speech was distorted and her voice was not her own, i long to hear it again.

in a sweet gesture, but a failed attempt, my dad called me this year, and told me….it was on this day that your mother….i stopped him. no dad, it was yesterday. you went in late on the evening of the 3rd. you had tuna salad for dinner and then went in around ten. oh yes, that’s right. and i called your grandparents around two in the morning and told them, “their daughter was fine, and my daughter was fine too.”

that one i hadn’t heard before.

here is another reason why JCSG is my BFF… she told me about The Black Crowes coming to the Minnesota State Fair. i’ve never, ever, EVER been to a show at the State Fair Grandstand. i’m not sure if i’ll dig it, but i heart the Crowes, as you know, and i’m thrilled, THRILLED at the possibility of going. now, we just have to get a babysitter and we are set.

since i have the brain capacity of a snow pea and the brain activity of a rock, i give you things i’ve overheard my daughter say the last couple of days….

after digging out baby toys for buns…
“see mommy, remember all these things? i loooove all these things”

after finding a worm in the yard and transporting him to the herb garden pot…
“i will put him with the basil and he will have a new home! he will like the basil…oh NO! the thunder ruined all of your basil mommy!”

after poking a hole in the dirt near the basil with her finger, and after the worm vanished underground….
boo - “where did he go?”
daddy - “he went home, he’s tired.”
boo - “but i wanted to play with him, i love him”

tonight at dinner, after i got back from the bathroom, she ran up to me and i picked her up kissing her cheek...
mommy - “you’re my favorite person”
daddy - “i heard that”
boo - “and i am your favorite princess.”

here is why JCSG is my BFF…

last night we went to Don Pablo’s for our birthday dinner - our birthday’s are one year and two days apart - i’m the older one in case you were wondering. and when i walked in i told the hostess that it was JCSG’s B-day and they better come over with the big sombrero and a bunch of hot mariachis to wish her a happy birthday.

after talking about being stupid in our mid-twenties, late-twenties, and even our early-thirties, it was nice to settle into middle age, and look forward to our “cougar years”. we also spent time talking about books, but you’ll have to wait for the podcast for that one.

at the end of our meal, two dudes come over, one with dessert, the other with the big sombero. and JCSG and i embark on a volley of “it’s her birthday!” “no, it’s HER birthday.”, “NO, it’s HER birthday.”

at one point JCSG called out “CARD HER!” and then i knew she’d won. so reluctantly i took the oversized sombrero, cast my eyes downward and waited to the humiliation to pass. when one of them asked how old i was JCSG chirped “She’s 32!”. And then the sombrero dude yelled out to Don Pablo’s that it was my 32nd B-day and they should all give me a round of applause. which they did.

when they had left and JSCG was done wiping tears of laughter from her rosy cheeks, i thanked her. without hesitation she shaved five years off my age because she knew i could still pass.

“28 would have been a bit of a stretch though” she said.

so yeah, happy b-day to me.

my birthday is this wednesday.

the thing about being an adult is making home-owner insurance claims, and car claims.

the thing about being an adult is making fart noises so your daughter sits on the potty and tries to poop.

the thing about being an adult is worry about your child getting into French immersion preschool.

when did i grow up?

hope you fellow minnesotans faired better than we after yesterday’s storm. the hail damage at our place is drastic. our cars are ruined, our siding is cracked and missing in places, my plants look like they have bullet holes. some of our window screens are shredded and we have a broken window. yikes!

the kids came through with flying colours. boo is being a bit of a daddy’s girl, but that’s to be expected. buns was completely nonplussed and only woke up once with a giant boom of thunder.

i bow humbling to the power of mother nature and thank her gratefully for sparing us. it could have been worse.