my serene darling
since the arrival of the magnificent “buns”, i’ve been missing my boo terribly. while i love nursing and caring and nuzzling my infant, i long to bound and bounce and giggle and tumble with boo. all in good time, i know, but when the weather cooperates we all get antsy and i just want to take her and go.
and yet, the buns is still an anchor that keeps me grounded and none too far away. i don’t mind, really. but i do get jealous when she - now having spent more time with daddy - calls for him instead of me, wants his help before mine. well, maybe jealous isn’t the right word.
when i have my two little darlings home with me, i’ve been working hard on getting them on the same nap schedule. boo is dead set in hers, while buns i feel i can bend and mold into the routine. he has yet to fully cooperate.
however, i did get some serene time with boo, while she was sleeping of course. and i finally put my finger on why i treasure nap time with her so much. before buns we’d snuggle up together every day and snooze. it was bliss. and obviously i’ve missed that too. but today, it became clear to me why i love that time with her so much. she isn’t moving. she isn’t talking. it’s the only time when i really get to hold her. even when she comes to me crying, it isn’t for very long. thankfully i have a very dramatic daughter who lets fury and pain wash over her, then recovers quickly and is at her old self within in a minute. where ever does she get it?
but these brief minutes of stillness and nap and serenity are wonderful. i am so grateful that i got to catch a moment or two in my hand today, cool breeze warm sheets her hair smelling like ozone she sighed and sank into my curves and i felt i knew what prayer was like. it was lovely and has sustained me since.
but wait it gets better….
after a successful trip to the potty, after she was done washing her hands, she came over to me and hugged me randomly and said “I’m so glad you are my Mommy”.
don’t let anyone tell you that motherhood is completely thankless. it’s not.