feeling orphaned (again)
it’s not news how much i miss my Mom. she died about 16 months ago and i’m still dealing with it and coping with the loss. what makes that all worse is my Dad.
i don’t operate under the illusion that my parents had an ideal marriage. they always knew something was wrong and for whatever reason, just stuck it out. the events of this weekend were devastating if not well timed. a break-down (pardon the pun)…
Friday
on friday, i took the bebe’s over to my Dad’s. he and annie oakley were heading up to the cabin for a week, so i thought i’d force my adorable children on them. things went great until ten minutes before we leave. now, after a glass of wine annie oakley gets a little loose. and this can be fun and charming, or it can change my life forever. ten minutes before we leave she says “your dad and i have discussing living together” then my dad says “yeah, and if i die, annie would get to live in the house for three years before its sold and then once its sold, the proceeds go to the Foundation” (my parents started a charitable foundation ten years ago - it’s my dad’s vanity project really).
what the fuck?
are you kidding me?
really?
i mean really?
that house is a much of my mother’s now than it ever was. and to have him, just decree that it will be sold and the proceeds given to the foundation, well that makes my blood boil so hot that i’m seeing red. and i’m not being a mercenary here. i don’t care if he sells the house, i don’t care if i get dime one from it, or from him. but i absolutely cannot….i don’t know. it was the LAST thing my mom wanted. the LAST thing she wants done to ANY of her things or the things they owned jointly was to have it go to the fucking Foundation.
she is spinning in her grave right now and i’m just feeling cosmic static all over the place.
the shitty thing is, is that, my Dad doesn’t give a fuck about what i think or feel about all of this. my opinion or my mom’s wishes, he could care less. and THAT my darlings is what is going to cause me to further distance myself from my Dad.
but here is now what i have to do. i have to look at my Mom’s will again and that just confirms the fact that she’s dead and gone. i have to get advice from a lawyer, i have to address this with my Dad and stick to my guns. i have to come to grips with the fact that, regardless of wether or not my parents loved each other, my Dad has no respect for my Mom. or me.