mydarlingcurse.com

about a month ago i noticed on a momblog that one of the moms was really happy she made it past 26 weeks. she had some trouble with preeclampsia with her first child, and while things are fine now, it was a milestone for her. a personal private victory.

in a phone conversation with chicago-boy, he asked how far along i was, i said past 30 weeks. he asked how long women were pregnant - him with the three kids - i said “the usual human gestational period is around 40 weeks”. that’s coming up then, isn’t it, he said. well duh!

i haven’t written too much about my pregnancy here for a lot of reasons. one, it’s bittersweet. i never, never thought that i would have children that my mother wouldn’t know, i never in a million years thought that i’d have kids without her. two, it’s hard not to draw parallels between my situation and the SIL’s. baby A is doing awesome by the way. and i don’t feel like i can talk much about that here anymore. needless to say, i am extremely grateful for such a healthy pregnancy. which leads to three - nothing extraordinary has happened. medically, it’s been unremarkable - which is good!

all in all, it seems kind of lonely. but with bunny down in there, i’m never alone. but it’s kind of like my mom. i know she’s with me and watching, and i know that i can talk to her, but it’s not an active conversation. bunny is the same way. true, bunny doesn’t answer, but i am constantly aware that i carry a brilliant little soul with me, but it’s not something that i can actively share.

and now with the countdown on, i don’t know, it just seems uneventful. boo was the first grandbaby on both sides, and no one knows what we went through to get her. you might think you do, but you don’t, not even half. so her arrival into our lives was a really big deal. she’s a star! really and truly - a light here on earth like no other. and i can’t help but feel like bunny is getting the shaft a little bit. the build up isn’t as great, the anticipation isn’t as palpable.

i’m so scared sometimes that i literally stop moving and black out for a minute.

i don’t want to give my life over to my children and become one of the millions of lost suburban house-wives. but they are welcoming light in my pitch life so i circle around them like a moth. i just wait for another light to come on and form shadows someplace else.

everything is bugging the crap out of me. everything!

i guess i’m at the bitchy pregnant stage that you see so overly exaggerated in movies and on TV. there is something that bothers me about everything. i can find fault where there is none.

boo of course, is exempt. yes, she bothers me, but if you spent the majority of your time with a two year old, things should bother you, but there isn’t anything specifically wrong with her.

i am sleep-deprived already.
i am scared.
and i am alone.

but i did hold a 9 week old baby today and never once did i think, “Oh shit man! No way can I do this again!” i just went into baby mode and it was fine. it helped that the sweetums was cooing and smiling and cute, but not too cute - cute in a nobody-will-surpass-the-cuteness-of-my-own-kid kind of way.

however, i still feel the need to isolate myself from others. like, i know i’m not good company, i’m not fun, i can’t drink, and my body is not my own. and i’m just trying to contain the toxic radiation that’s coming off of me.

not even Rock of Love makes me feel better.

might be a little too i don’t know, but i am experimenting with new looks for the site, now that i know what i’m doing.

kinda.

so today, in my third attempt to fix the optic drive on Jack, my Mac, i ran into the cutest Apple store guy to date. and it made me think, when JCSG gets laid off she should totally go work there and date that guy. that way we could be friends and she could wear his “Genius” shirt and it would be so cute i’d die.

so i’m back in my 80’s pop mind and hearted this song and video…

today while having our potty time, boo made a very interesting comment she said that…”when i am lady, i will have a tattoo, then i’ll have big boobs.”

when asked what kind of tattoo she’d get she said, “a pink heart, to make me happy.”

she’s on her way to be a contestant on Rock of Love 23 with Ryder Robinson.

i’m so proud.

i am addicted to Rock of Love 2 with Bret Michaels. i will admit it. on last night’s episode, mr. michaels said something like…

“I’m totally addicted and I don’t need rehab.”

i’m with ya dude - soooo there!

after two episodes i am currently rooting for ambre and the ann-margaret mullet chick. these two seem to have blood flowing past their breasts. inna is becoming this year’s lacey with a goth twist and frenchie…..good lord……frenchie will be on until the very end. not because of her connection with bret, but only because she does crazy shit like make homemade chocolate mousse, then put it on her breasts, then press her chocolate silicone tatters up against glass and lick it off. no way will the producers let her go! ten to one says her recipe will be online by the end of the day.

hubbin and i were laughing so hard last night, it was like…all is right with the world. any “reality” show that can pull you out of reality and really give you joy, well….that’s special. i thought it would be really tough to top last season, but man…i think we are on our way.

as JCSG says “The Tour Starts Here”.

amen sister, amen.

like many, i haven’t been too affected by the writer’s strike. i’m behind the WGA 100%, and with Rock of Love 2 and Lost bubbling up, i’m not at a loss for things to watch. i DO have an enormously cute 2 1/2 year old running around most of the time and she’s my favorite show - no commercials, no reruns.

and it wasn’t until today that the writer’s strike actually scared me a little bit. right now, in california, the entertainment industry is getting ready to announce this year’s Oscar Nominations. this really isn’t a bit deal, but it does mark the countdown for the actual ceremony due in late February. too bad the the announcement ceremony will most likely be prettier than the actual awards ceremony.

now, being that i’m actually a big gay guy, i look forward to the Oscars in a way that rivals Super Bowl Sunday. there are betting pools, and strategy involved. you have to stake out your territory on the couch and screen calls, and instead of beer and doritos, oscar night snacks need to prepped - wine chilled, etc. al micheals and john madden can kiss my bug gay guy dick - gimme joan and meliisa rivers and seacrest and the blonde one from queer eye any day. i’d rather see a long line of limos than tailgaters, give me russell crowe stopped at the metal detector for his brass knuckles. that’s better than some arbitrary shot of some football dick eating nachos.

the coverage starts early, and it lasts all day, the ceremony is long and at times painful, and the post-Oscar coverage is just the cherry on top. the fashion do’s-and-don’t’s, the best and worst dressed, it goes on for a week. i love it, i just fucking love it!

and this year, it might not happen.

the writers strike might put the 86 on the ceremony. actors who wait their entire careers, their entire lives, might be robbed of their one night, their one moment. that just doesn’t seem right. writers don’t want to write for the show, but even Oscar guru bruce vallanche will watch it from the picket line. actors don’t want to cross the picket line, and thus we might be left with another creepfest like the golden globes.

i’m sorry, but i don’t want to watch the oscar’s on CNN. but without the pageant, who will show the show? at what point MUST the show go on? granted the golden globes don’t carry as much weight as the Oscar - the Oscar actually weighs 8.5 lbs. but what would be the harm in waiting until the strike is resolved? would it be so bad if we all had more than a month to see the contenders? why not wait until june? not that actors need more to inflate their ego, but i know deep down you want to see hal holbrook get up there and accept the oscar, just as much as i do.

this morning as i got boo ready for “school”, i noticed that her diaper was dry. instantly we headed into the bathroom, because she’s started trying to go on the potty. and today she totally did it. it wasn’t the first time, but i said “hey let’s try” and she was all “yeah dude” and she sat down and totally peed on the potty. she was super proud of herself too.

and there was this really weird combination of events that made me pause. she was sitting there and i could hear her “tinkling” on the potty and the expression on her face was priceless. she was so aware of what was happening and that i was really happy she was doing it and she was happy she was doing it, but she was listening too. it was weird. a few high fives later and a piece of candy and she was ready for the next thing, but it’s stuck with me today.

also, she’s transitioning into the preschool room. she’s leaving the toddlers behind and movin on up. i’m really proud of this, because it’s 6 weeks ahead of when it’s supposed to be, but it makes me really proud too. she is the direct result of the love hubbin and i have for her and the world and she’s amazing. this seems to be making itself clear in the outside world. people are drawn to her, they love her. and she’s so far ahead of the ball with development and speech that sometimes i lay awake at night because we’re screwed! she’s going to be smarter than us, than me. i hope i don’t disappoint her.

and in other big girl news, i reached a point of pregnancy no return. i dropped something today on myself and it didn’t hit the floor. it made it past my boobs, which is good, but then in came to rest on the top of my belly.

le sign.

The Bitches are Back!

one of our new year’s resolutions (as discussed) is to do 12 episodes of BCB in 2008. We kick off the year with Christopher Moore’s, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal.

i’m pretty sure you’ll have to do some sort of penance for listening to this though, peace be with you.

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