destroy me
i am not yet able to put down into words what has happened to me over the last couple of days. i am a horrific mess. while the IVF stuff is going well, the procedure yesterday caused me more emotional anguish that i can handle and i fear i am shutting down completely. being isolated like this, from friends and family, it can drive a girl batty.
i’m choking back tears as i type. and i’ve no one to blame but myself. the weight thing came back to kick my ass yesterday, and kick me in the chin, punch me in throat and box my ears. at one point i’d decided to call the whole fucking mess off. fuck it, i said, i’ll ovulate them all out anyway, right? it took quite a bit of convinving after that and then i had to go into surgery with people i don’t like and don’t trust. it’s too devestating for words.
hopefully, i’ll prove them all wrong. hopefully i’ll get pregnant with a beautiful baby, have a healthy pregnancy and easy birth. i hope hope hope those thoughts keep me from going over to the dark side. because i’m close, very very close.
July 12th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
I can’t imagine what you’re going through. I hope that you’re able to lift out of this darkness soon. Hey, I still like getting together, and if you want to call I might or might not be able to talk at the time, but at least you can leave me a message and I’ll get back to you.