silence? ignorance? stupidity?
i have recently decided that i can’t have possibly anything worth while to add to this blog. everything worth saying and writing, has already been said or written.
i wish that i had a regular correspondence. PT and i have been e-mail for years, but it’s nothing worth while, just stupid howareyoudoing stuff. and i don’t believe that blogs should be the place to dump all of your dirty luandry, although that’s incredibly hypocritical of me to say.
it hit me earlier this morning that this feeling - this feeling of everything in my life being gone - is just self-pity. granted i did lose my mother far to soon and she meant the world to me, but she firmly believed that i would be okay without her. with hubbin and boo, she thought i was going to be alright. and i can’t prove her wrong.
i just don’t really feel like me. but i’m not sure who i am now - after all of this. not that i’m not the same person, but who can go through what i’ve been through in the last six months and not be affected by it?
i just don’t do anything interesting enough to put down everyday. i mean, the last book that i read was a batman comic. and i have no intellectual persuits. so what could i possibly say?
i change poopy diapers.
i do dishes.
i walk around the house with a kleenex.
if i knew me, i’d avoid me. i’d be totally checking my caller id and screening my calls.
and yeah, it’s all me. i’m sure my daughter would tell you i’m fantastic and my friends…all three of them would tell you i’ve maintained some sense of humor through it all, but that even they aren’t sure of what to do with me.
there has to be an end to this.