mydarlingcurse.com

for whatever reason, boo is crying today at the drop of a hat. and not just the whiny/fake cry, this is the real tears gasping for air with the sniffles for five minutes afterwards cry. i think her feet have touched the ground a total of 12 minutes today. life is hard when you don’t feel good, but i can’t imagine not feeling well and not being about to bitch about it.

thankfully she isn’t fighting sleep - which is great! i just want her to feel better! we leave for AZ on wednesday….i need her better by then.

even though the Target clinic confirmed my suspicions about a government induced plague, being that i had to show my driver’s lisence to get the medicine they said i should be on, i was still planning on getting my tattoo. however, hubbin and JCSG convinced me that i should call the shop and tell them of my dire condition. and they put the kibosh on it.

if you”re sick, getting a tattoo will prolong your illness and slow down the healing process of the tattoo, you should wait until you are feeling better, they said. and it’s comforting to know that the folks down at the shop are secret care-givers. needless to say, i don’t have a tattoo…YET.

i have nothing bad to say about the Target clinic, and while i did follow their recommendations, i can say that, although i am not feeling better, i am more fucntional. the left side of my nose is still locked down something fierce, but my ears aren’t popping so much.

and hubbin and i did take up some friends’ invitation for dinner last night. we joined anncisfrancis and her hubba - hot pants. i’m calling him hot pants, because we had a party once and he showed up in black leather pants - and i almost died he was so fucking gorgeous. so we all met for dinner and we all had each other laughing so hard i got light-headed from lack of oxygen. note to self - don’t go out with two people who make you pee when half of your nose is plugged with gunk. seriously, i had to lean on hubbin’s shoulder because i thought i was going to faint.

it was good to laugh like that. anncisfrancis and hot pants mean a lot to hubbin and i, and they have no idea how their warm, generous company helped me feel more normal and more human. i am blessed to have such wonderful people in my life.

over the last 24 hours the left side of my nasal cavity has swollen shut, only to re-open slightly, randomly, make me choke, and then close again.

obviously i have been exposed to a newly created bio-weapon that has been designed to deprive me of oxygen, deprive me of sleep, and then lead to my insainity. hubbin has been walking around the house behind me in a haz-mat suit collecting my discarded tissues. these will be sent to quantico, as i’m sure a new neural-toxic nerve agent can be made from the vile, gummy, green gunk that comes out only when i blow my nose so hard, my ears pop.

i’m off to the minute clinic at target - obviously this is not normal. but if the new plegue is upon us, blame me. i am the mother host.

even though i went to the doctor today (just one of the many pleasures of being a woman) and i got the whole “over 35″ high risk deal - complete with a cholesteral test, AND an appointment for a baseline mammogram. i am holding on for dear life to the fact that i was tattoo shopping yesterday and that i am majorly hearting the films . that still makes me cool, doesn’t it?

i have recently decided that i can’t have possibly anything worth while to add to this blog. everything worth saying and writing, has already been said or written.

i wish that i had a regular correspondence. PT and i have been e-mail for years, but it’s nothing worth while, just stupid howareyoudoing stuff. and i don’t believe that blogs should be the place to dump all of your dirty luandry, although that’s incredibly hypocritical of me to say.

it hit me earlier this morning that this feeling - this feeling of everything in my life being gone - is just self-pity. granted i did lose my mother far to soon and she meant the world to me, but she firmly believed that i would be okay without her. with hubbin and boo, she thought i was going to be alright. and i can’t prove her wrong.

i just don’t really feel like me. but i’m not sure who i am now - after all of this. not that i’m not the same person, but who can go through what i’ve been through in the last six months and not be affected by it?

i just don’t do anything interesting enough to put down everyday. i mean, the last book that i read was a batman comic. and i have no intellectual persuits. so what could i possibly say?

i change poopy diapers.
i do dishes.
i walk around the house with a kleenex.

if i knew me, i’d avoid me. i’d be totally checking my caller id and screening my calls.

and yeah, it’s all me. i’m sure my daughter would tell you i’m fantastic and my friends…all three of them would tell you i’ve maintained some sense of humor through it all, but that even they aren’t sure of what to do with me.

there has to be an end to this.